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Summer Slamdown II: Judgement Slam- June 27th, 2015
Pre-show Announcements: While humans melt into fluid under the brutal sun, one creature stands like an iron sentinel. A machine. The ultimate wrestling cyborg. Pure hatred of humanity surges behind its cold red eyes. This cybernetic monstrosity faces us all with a gavel in hand, ready to pass a trve and final judgment. The charges? 69 counts of Wrestling atrocities and unregistered party violence. How do we plead? GUILTY EXTREMELY GUILTY THE MOST GUILTY We spat upon the technocracy of the modern world and mock its flimsy rulers! We flex our meat-flanks in celebration, the arrogance of senescence fueling our foul barks! We're ready to slam and be slammed! We're ready for vindication! We're ready for: Summer Slamdown 2: Judgment Slam! Party World Rasslin's one-year anniversary show will feature: Judgment, slams, $1 beers, furious party wrestling competition, unbridled yelling, skulls, Sharks, sweat, partying, explosions, jump kicks, and THE FULFILLMENT OF OUR DESTINY HAVE YOU EVER FELT LIKE THIS? Cool off from the first Rays of summer with the FIST SLAYS of PARTY VIOLENCE! THA MATCHES {Main Event!} Foamster vs. Deepslam Deepslam is a computer. A computer that wrestles. Kind of. While he only has a text-based interface, his programming is very good, and he was able to "defeat" 3 out of 4 wrestlers at our last event. We thought this computer had crashed, but apparently it has turned back on - and its creator is demanding a rematch against the one person to beat it! That one person is a powerful wrestler with a face wrapped in carpet foam and the heart of a champion: FOAMSTER! This match is literally a computer vs. a man with foam wrapped around his head! Hail PWR! The winner of this match will be granted a shot at the PARTYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP against Dock Master in August! Pastaman vs. Hamburger Skyway Food fight! These animated meals are starving for violence! Who will emerge satiated? The good-natured, beastly Pasta Man, or the hedonistic and cunning Hamburger Skyway? You'll get more than your fill in this sauce-drenched slam-buffet! Hot Dog vs. Tiffany Channel Westlake Garbageweight Championship! The nomadic, drunken crustpunk known as Hot Dog has his title on the line against the (formerly) wealthy, (ostensibly) powerful, and equally drunk Westlake! Who will prove to be the bigger piece of trash? Westlake: a creator of waste and exploiter of the poor? Or Hot Dog: the eater of the waste created by society's upper crust? This match asks a lot of important questions! Wow! Dazza Longbarrel vs. A literal alligator Is this match legal? Why are we letting this happen?! Less questions, more devastation! Dazza Longbarrel is a notorious Australian poacher. He claims to be able to outwit any carnivore and skin them alive. PWR blurs the line between predator and pray! Luigi Primo vs. Baron Zachey PWR's greatest pizza chef takes on the megalomaniacal, tsarist legend in a fearsome grudge match! Will Luigi toss Baron Zachey like a good pizza, or will Zachey role Luigi up into a gruesome pierogi? Let's see! One is from Italy, the other from Russia, but we still probably won't be able to stop you from chanting "USA, USA!" **Important note!** Both wrestlers have asked that we are allow ALL banned PWR slams! The neck-cracking RED SCARE and spine shattering PEPPERONI DRIVER will both be TOTALLY LEGAL in this match! The Sonic Gentleman vs. Angeldussst A match made...in heaven?! You've GOTTA GO FAST to see this powerful confrontation! After being walked out on by the Gentleman, Angeldussst has demanded that their blind date be finished - in the ring! The blue blur of chivalry takes on the white powder nightmare to determine who will be left in the Friend Zone! The Dumpster Babes vs. The Slammers The DUMPSTER BABES are Pink Eye and Babyface - a brother/sister team hellbent on eating trash, smashing faces, and caking their opponents in sludge and waste. They are PWR's filthiest team - and certainly its dirtiest! Their opponents are P.O.G. Esquire (heir to the POG family fortune) and Hundo Supreme. Together, they are the SLAMMERS! Between the two of them, P.O.G and Hundo have access to nearly unlimited pogs and $100 cash. How will the odds STACK UP in this battle of filthy rags vs. crisp bills? Will aluminum disks triumph against rotten apples? Get your 8 Balls and Yin-Yangs ready, this one's going to be a real trash-fire! Trap Boss vs. Chet Blitz CHET BLITZ is an immensely popular wrestler and surfer from California. His gnarly moves are beloved by many of the orphans and dolphins that he spends his time helping. TRAP BOSS is a young professional who is sick of Chet's easy-going attitude! When she's not setting traps for her many employees, or listening to rap music with the lyrics removed, she slams slackers to the pavement! She's ready to show him that summer is about meeting deadlines, not riding waves! It's going to be TOUGH DAY AT THE OFFICE for both wrestlers, guaranteed! BENCH HORSE STRENGTH EXHIBITION Even though he doesn't have an opponent, this HORSE THAT LIFTS WEIGHTS is going to demonstrate his sickening power! Hundreds of pounds worth of GAINS AND GRAINS have gone into creating the ultimate BEAST OF BURDEN, and he is throwing off his yoke to humiliate humanity! Prepare to witness BENCH HORSE throw some ridiculous iron! MORE TBA, but you will likely see the following PWR wrestlers in ACTION: Dock Master (PARTYWEIGHT CHAMPION): While Dock Master is not required to defend his championship at every show, we hope he can take time from his work at the docks to pay us a visit! Ice-Cold Stan Boston: If an ice-cold Sam Adams strikes you between the shoulder blades, you can bet it was thrown by PWR's greatest Bostonian: Stan Boston! Barron Zachey: The Barron is currently under investigation for doping using the forbidden SLAMX-5 serum. We hope his tests run clean! Bench Horse: The horse that bench presses makes his debut! Luigi Primo: This legitimately Italian Pizza chef has plenty of PAIN left to cook up! The Sonic Gentleman: PWR's fastest, and most gentlemanly wrestler may once again return to tell us THE TRUTH about issues! The Night Mayor: Formerly the champion of the night, the master and tormentor of the night seeks to consume the essence of all ghosts and command all skeletons! Post-show Announcements: We would like to extend a sincere and full-throated bellow of thanks to everyone for coming out and experiencing maximum justice and party vindication. We wanted to give a special thank you to Brendan Hinman for converting his body and equipment into a video recording and stream-broadcasting machine. We are deeply shocked that we have once again lost the Partyweight Belt. We literally lost it as it was dragged into the future by the new Partyweight Champion: DEEPSLAM 2.0. You can't plan for things like this. A force of robot invaders from the future storming the ring is an occupational hazard in the Party Wrestling biz. This was after he tore the beating heart out of beloved developmental-league all star, Foamster. Foamster will be sorely missed. Because he was killed by an AI, we don't think we can prosecute anyone for his murder. We are boiling with anger and sorrow to have lost such a promising and wonderful contender so young. Chet Blitz is doing just fine and is not in a sudden coma from drinking dangerous chemicals from PWR sponsor HELLSPORT. Just for fun we would like to reaffirm our non-liability as specified in section 69-d in his contract. Chet's losing opponent, Trap Boss, has returned to her 50-hour workweek of playing Candy Crush Saga while issuing orders - but without Jenny, her intern. Plenty more where that came from. BENCH HORSE is under indefinite suspension for performing the HORSE BENCH backbreaker on referee Steven Zugiri and Co-Commissioner Jared Blondeau. Speaking of animals, we must apologize for what you witnessed in Dazza Longbarrel's match. Several advocacy groups are demanding answers, but Dazza is nowhere to be found. Our GARBAGEWEIGHT CHAMPION, Hot Dog, has retained his title against Tiffany Chanel Westlake. Both wrestlers were found, completely passed out, beneath the ring later in the night. Hot Dog does not care to comment on his victory, or simply did not understand what we were asking him. Tiffany screamed and threw a pretty nice looking shoe really hard at someone when asked for comment. The Dumpster Babes proved to be an exciting, if not foul, new tag team. We can't help question why their opponents, Hundo Supreme and POG Esquire, now have terrible cases of pink eye. Pastaman continues to touch lives and win over his opponents. Though their match ended in a count-out for both wrestlers, we can't help but think that both Hamburger Skyway and Pastaman won from their fierce encounter. It looks like the legendary Barron Zahkey has still got some fight in him after all these years! Since referee "Smooth" Danny Vegas prevented all chemical cheating, Zachey's victory MUST have been performance-enhancing-drug-free. His opponent, Luigi Primo, is currently undergoing CAT-scans and X-rays after complaining of spinal pains. Angeldussst fought against the Sonic Gentleman, but was actually Rick Petaccio. That was weird. Category:Show